Imagined Slights
by Mechanical Infection
Summary: One Shot! Thor tries to understand why Loki has become the person he currently is but in order to fully grasp the situation Loki puts a spell on Thor that sends him into a deep sleep where he relives their lives but as Loki. There are some extra notes inside!


And this is my entry for the "Too Many Feels" contest over at Loki Literature Lovers in deviantART!

Summary:  
Thor tries to understand why Loki has become the person he currently is but in order to fully grasp the situation Loki puts a spell on Thor that sends him into a deep sleep where he relives their lives but as Loki.

Note 1:  
I feel like I could have tapped into his psychological state a bit better but then it would have been far longer and even as it is now I had to cut some small parts out but hopefully the idea gets across well enough for all to understand and to cause tears as that was the point of this contest.

Although this is set after The Avengers I mostly stuck to situations pre-Thor and during Thor as I felt this was basically Loki's point of no return and the moment where he broke down.

Note 2:  
No, I have not forgotten all about Atonement though it's been a month since I last updated but I have continued to write it. I was hit by a nasty case of writer's block but I shouldn't blame it all on the block as I recently bought The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim and have been completely addicted to it. BUT I promise that Atonement WILL continue. Writing this helped me overcome the damn block so I hope to get back to work especially now that I'm on vacation!

Anyways, enjoy and cry or not, I know I cried like a fool while writing this especially the part about the book and the ending. First time I ever enter a contest in this site so I'm kind of nervous so if you'll excuse me I need to watch something funny to cheer up because this really upset me especially personally but I will not go into those details. Enjoy!

There were many questions and many emotions. Of the questions the most powerful one was "Why?" and of the emotions the most powerful was confusion. No one in the kingdom had a straight answer only rumors, speculations and guesses. They all wondered and wished to know how one of their own could have caused such wreckage and have so little disregard for life. Yes, even the mighty gods of Asgard could still find unnerving puzzlement in such actions as the ones recently committed by a being they once thought of as harmless, below as some considered him but harmless nonetheless. Most who wondered did so with only a breadth spared for morbid curiosity.

In the cool of the night every soul in Asgard slept silently and easily. Warm bodies tucked away between furs and beds, heads nestled neatly and contently over fluffed pillows as the cool air of the night planted a gentle kiss on flesh. Save for one individual who sleep and peace evaded for three nights.

The Asgardian's feeble attempts at finding rest and sleep caused only anger in him as he lay in bed blankly staring at the ceiling of his chamber. Since his return from Midgard his mind never ceased to stop or even slow its pace. Three nights later and his head ached from lack of sleep and the assault of question after question and trying ever so desperately to understand.

His massive chest expanded as he inhaled and let out a sigh which seemed angry to him but in reality he forced himself to believe it was anger so he may not let sadness take him. His heart ached as well, he felt betrayed, confused and angry but most of all sad. He blinked rapidly in an attempt to hold back tears as he recalled those poisonous words his brother hissed at him with such ease that it almost convinced him he had meant them with all his heart. His left hand slowly crept to his side and found its way to his injury and slightly pressed on it as if studying it. It was healed but it still left a strange sensation under his skin, it was still tender.

As he slightly pressed he could not help but feel that if his brother truly wanted him dead he would have been killed. A blade as small as the one he had been stabbed with could not have delivered a deadly strike lest it had been used to slit his throat or an artery but this was not the case. He had not even stabbed him over any major organs which led him to believe his brother was not entirely lost.

Thor blinked as a tear slid out of his eye. He refused to cry, he did not wish for it. Not out of some diluted believe that a warrior could not cry, no, he simply refused to cry because if he did it would be as if accepting his brother was forever lost to him and he would go against fate itself to prove he was not lost as most thought him to be.

In that moment he decided to do the one thing his father negated to do and stumbled onto his feet though he found he needed to hold on to the bed as he lost his footing for a moment. The rush of standing rapidly dazed his already blurred vision sending a sharper pain to his head and eyes. He dressed himself and grabbed the first pair of boots he could reach and rushed out of the door never even bothering to close it or lock it. As he passed his brother's chambers, which were next to his, his sprint fastened and his determination grew.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

If there was one thing Asgard did not lack was beauty. The golden halls, the green and colorful gardens that adorned most of the palace, the structure though old still looked as if it had been built the day before. None could guess that such a beautiful palace could house such a dank and horrid dungeon. The stone walls and most of the floor was damp with water and its presence left Thor wondering where the water was coming from or if it was even sanitary. It was dark safe for the light emitting from the torch in the armored guards' hands. There was a terrible echo as well, as droplets of water hit either stone or small puddles of collected water their echo enveloped Thor. He could not shake the feeling of being watched either and he was being watched by the other prisoners but even the fact that they were held behind thick bars did not ease Thor's mind. For the first time in a long time Thor felt…cautious.

They walked for what seemed like forever the dungeons were far more spacious than Thor had imagined. He wanted to reach his destination immediately and deal with the problem even if his actions remained fruitless he felt he still needed to try. As he went over what he wanted to say and how he was to say it Thor lost himself in his own mind and barely registered when the guard at the head of the pack had asked him a question. When the fuzzy echo of the man's voice focused itself Thor shook his head and looked straight at the guard and realized they had stopped.

"Are you well?" The guard asked.

"Yes, I am. Slightly distracted but otherwise whole and hale." Thor answered but he felt as if he was mostly trying to convince himself.

"Uh…the king has ordered to be alerted about visitations to this particular prisoner." The guard started but treaded carefully as to not offend the prince much less enrage him. Thor looked to the guard and felt a bit of pressure emerge from his core but decided to ease it as the guards were simply following orders.

"So be it," Thor coldly said, "But do know I wish to speak with him privately."

"And you shall for we will remain here. There is no other soul in this section so it shall be only the both of you." The guard said as he handed Thor his torch. "However, in the event that we hear or see that trouble begins we will take action."

Thor nodded silently and before taking a step he looked to the four guards and said, "You may hear many things being said in many different tones but I beg of you to consider the difference between a hostile word that may commence an attack and a hostile word being spoken just to hurt the heart and mind. From both ends."

The guards slightly bowed and a silent agreement was set in place. Thor then began to walk down the abandoned section of the dungeon.

There seemed to be more water in that section and for some odd reason beyond Thor's understanding the echo was far more terrible in that area. It might have been his nerves but if Thor lost focus on what he wished to accomplish he would not be able to complete his task. He cleared his mind as much as he could as he kept walking further into the abandoned section and slowly but surely uncertainty crept into his brain.

He knew what he wanted to ask and was set on what he wanted—no, hoped—to hear but there was a chance that the anger and hate poisoning his brother's heart and mind would render him silent and no amount of begging, though he was sure it would please his brother, would get a word out of him. As he weighed the options in his head he froze at the sound of a chain slowly dragged across the stone floor.

Thor snapped back into reality and looked around. The radius of the torch's light was small and no matter how hard he tried Thor could not see anything in front or around him. He turned around to see if the guards had followed him but there was nothing but darkness behind him. Thor let out a loud sigh and as soon as he turned around he came face to face with bright emerald eyes glaring at him. Thor let out a startled yell but quickly composed himself as soon as he realized he had found Loki.

There was an unsettling silence between the brothers. More unsettling was the way Loki stood still in the darkness as he silently glared at Thor. His composure was ever so steady he seemed to resemble a statue, his slightly slanted eyes housing a menacing gaze that would send a lesser man cowering, and his lips pursed together. Any other moment Thor would have left but he was determined to carry this out.

"Brother, may we—"

Thor was quickly silenced as Loki quickly raised his left hand with his erected index finger above his shoulder. The chain attached to his wrist rattled and the very sight made Thor feel uncomfortable.

"_If_ I must stand here and listen to your sorry attempt at conversing with me I will ask that you do not address me as such. Is that in any way unclear?"

Thor furrowed his eyebrows and pulled his head back a bit as he stared at his brother and in an appalled tone said, "I most certainly will not agree to such a request. You. _Are_. My. Brother. And I will acknowledge and address you as such." Thor stood silently, driven to have this conversation but unwilling to yield to Loki's inane request. "_Brother_."

"You are in no position to give me orders!" Loki hissed as his facial expression morphed from calm, cold and calculation to enraged.

"Neither are you!"

"Ah, but it is not I who has stepped into the depths of Asgard's dungeons to seek something from me, though I admit I know not what you wish to acquire."

"Loki," Thor said as he sighed and took two steps forward, "Please, help me understand. I need to understand what it is that I have done to earn your hatred. Please."

"Were you not the one who acknowledged my slights as imagined?"

Thor inhaled as he was about to deny Loki's words but he was correct. To Thor all of Loki's claims of having been casted away under his shadow were not only incorrect but perverse. Nowhere in his memory could he see that Loki had been treated wrongly and with less respect and love as he had been treated. He could not imagine their father, mother or friends treating him any lesser than himself.

"Leave me be, Thor. Forget I exist, forget I ever existed. My sentence is to be announced in two days and it will most likely be execution." Loki said as he turned his back on Thor and walked towards the wall.

"No, Father would never allow such an action to pass. I will never allow any harm to come to you." Thor quickly chased after his brother and as he placed his left hand on Loki's shoulder Loki quickly turned around and pushed Thor to the ground. As soon as Thor hit the ground with his rear end he lifted his right arm to keep the torch from coming into contact with the water so it would not be extinguished. He looked up as soon as he heard Loki laughing maliciously at him. His laughter echoed through the dungeon but the worst part was the mania emitting from it.

Thor rose to his feet quickly and rushed towards Loki with both hands in front of him. He had let go of the torch and as the darkness enveloped both of them Thor wrapped both hands around Loki's neck but did not clamp shut. As he grabbed Loki he slammed him against the stone wall behind him and in a guttural and roaring voice screamed, "_What do I have to do to get through to you_?!"

Both Loki and Thor stared intently at each other and after a few seconds the patter of boots hitting water and stone could be heard and they both knew their meeting was close to an end as the guards rushed towards them most likely having been alerted by Loki's laughter or Thor's yelling. As the steps got closer Thor looked back and loosened his grip on Loki's neck and lowered his head finally giving in to despair as his mission failed.

"You wish to understand? Why my actions have been what they have been?" Loki's voice was soft yet nursed a somber tone and as Thor lifted his head to meet Loki's gaze, which matched his own, he nodded as he then lowered his eyes.

"You will never understand unless you have lived it and felt it."

"Then help me, please, help me." Thor had gone where he tried not to go. He ended up begging and soon found himself grabbing Loki's arms and burying his face on his brother's chest. Soon his heart broken sobs echoed throughout the dungeon and in a muffled and quivering voice he continued to beg, "I need your help; I _need_ to understand what happened to my little brother. I _have_ to know why I find myself at war with my best friend!"

"Please…" Thor pleaded as he backed away from his brother and looked at him once more. This time Loki's expression and stance softened as Loki placed a chained hand on the side of Thor's face. His green and tired eyes searching those red stained blue eyes and he leaned in to whisper at him.

"And know you shall, my brother."

Before Thor could acknowledge the fact that Loki had called him brother he was taken aback by a faint yet tired smile that began to form on his lips as he covered his eyes with his right hand. As Loki placed his hand over Thor's eyes he could hear the guards withdrawing their swords and yelling but before he could stop the guards Thor was blinded by a bright and white light and he felt himself fall and soon everything turned black.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"Brooootheeeer!"

"Brother, wake up!"

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"

Thor slowly opened his eyes but his vision was terribly blurry and could barely make out the small figure that was now jumping up and down on his bed and groaning with annoyance. Thor proceeded to blink several times and as his vision slowly focused his own eyes widened. There was a small child with golden hair, blue eyes and a missing tooth giggling and laughing as he continued to jump on the bed. Thor then realized he was staring at himself but a far younger version of himself.

"Loki, get out of bed! I have to show you something amazing!" The young Thor said in absolute glee.

"Wait. What did you call me?!" Thor said as he tried to catch his breath.

The young Thor giggled and said in a high pitched voice, "Loki. That _is_ your name. Unless you're doing the same thing I did last week and wanna change it." The young Thor then leaned in and whispered, "I still think Conqueror is a better name than Thor but don't tell Dad."

Suddenly Thor was hit with a realization. He remembered that when he was eight years old he had wanted to change his name because he thought Thor was not fit for a king and for a week he asked that everyone refer to him as Conqueror. Until his mother convinced him that Thor was far better and that he could not just change his name.

"What is the meaning of this?" Thor said as he drew his hands up and looked at them intently. He then proceeded to crawl out of the bed and ran into the washroom to find a mirror and as soon as he found one he shrieked loudly as he saw his reflection. He knew who he was and could definitely feel it within himself but as he stared at his reflection he saw himself as Loki. A far younger version of him anyways. This had to have been one of Loki's tricks.

"You're acting weird. Did you have a nightmare? I always wake up disoriented after a nightmare." Young Thor said as he ruffled Thor's hair. "Anyway, wash up and meet me at the stables! I promise you won't regret it!"

With that young Thor rushed out of their bed chambers and Thor could hear the small patter of feet scurrying away in a hurry but he was still shocked at his current situation. Thor decided it was best if he followed his younger self to see if there was any answer to what he was currently experiencing though he feared it might have been an old trick of Loki's to hurt him. He let out a frustrated sigh and after washing up he dressed himself and reached for the door but as soon as the door crept open everything around Thor blurred out and it all went black as it did before he woke up.

"I know you are not fond of these lessons but do pay attention, Loki!" The irritated female voice sounded familiar, very familiar. As Thor's vision came back to him he found himself down on the training grounds. He saw several young children around him ranging from twelve to maybe fifteen. He recognized several children and remembered how they all came together to train in combat both offensively and defensively with and without weapons. He turned his gaze to the young girl beside him and recognized Sif and right next to her he saw himself but not as a toddler. He wanted to run over to his younger self and see if it was true but he could not move at all. On top of that he was beginning to feel a strange feeling within himself and there was a second voice in his head.

"_Please don't pick me, please don't pick me, please don't pick me!"_

The voice sounded as if it was carrying a deep seated panic and Thor was beginning to feel that panic himself. He looked on and saw Hogun the Grim holding up a double headed ax high above his head as he gave a lecture. He felt the panic growing and growing and soon he found he was succumbing to it.

"Never hold an axe as so but that is not the point of today's lesson. Today we will learn how to deal with heavy weapons. These are to be held with both hands as they are heavier but can deal a great amount of damage if and only if you are able to handle the weight." Hogun explained as he placed his eyes upon every child. He then pointed out to a boy and asked him to stand next to him and the boy eagerly did so. The panic within Thor was now growing to scales he never thought possible and as Hogun pointed in his direction he felt he could not catch his breath.

"Loki, come stand up here and help with the demonstration." Hogun said and Thor felt himself slowly standing and moving slowly towards Hogun yet he had no control over his body. As he slowly walked he turned his head to see his younger self cheering him on and shouting advice and as a bit of hope gleamed inside it was all shattered when he saw Sif groaning and rolling her eyes as she watched him. Thor himself felt angry, he knew Loki felt horribly nervous enough as it was being exposed in front of the group and all it could have taken was a bit of encouragement but he saw as Sif shattered what little confidence he had gained from his younger self's cheering.

Loki finally made his way and stood next to Hogun who stared at everyone with the same grim look yet he felt Loki's rising suspicions that he looked at Loki with more grimace towards him than he did the others. Hogun handed the other boy a double headed ax and handed the same type of weapon to Loki. As Thor watched he felt himself tumble forward as the weight of the ax was greater than he could properly lift. Thor remembered those heavy weapons and trying to wield them when he was young. They were heavy but his arrogance was heavier and he would have gladly faked ease before admitting something was out of his hands. Loki, however, lacked that sort of arrogance and the fact that he preferred to be elsewhere studying other subjects weighed heavily in his mind. As Loki tried to lift the ax Thor could hear the not so very subtle bursts of laughter from the other children and a wave of embarrassment overcame him.

"_Just ignore them. You can do this."_

Thor was startled at the other voice in his head and remembered it was Loki's very own. Unlike the previous event when he had become a far younger Loki he did not have any control over this older one nor could he speak through him. He was more of a private audience getting a far more intimate look behind the scenes and it suddenly dawned on Thor that this was what the older Loki had meant. "And know you shall, my brother" was what Loki had last told Thor before he was sent into this…dream he currently found himself in. Thor exhaled raggedly as he came to realize he had been reliving the past but as Loki.

"No, no, no! Hold the ax as so, I know it is heavy but surely if you put your back into it the weight will seem less." Thor's thoughts were interrupted by Hogun's scolding voice and he set his gaze onto the images before him. He saw how Loki struggled with the damned ax and the smirk on the boy's face in front of him did not help the matter either, worse yet were the snickers and snorting laughs behind him. Hogun's demands were not helping either and the overwhelming panic returned and it chocked Thor as he saw Loki looking to the younger Thor and he understood why he was looking to his younger self. Loki stared at Thor in the hopes that his older brother would at least cease the other children from laughing or would at least do or say something to help him through.

Thor felt horrible as he laid eyes on his younger self and saw he was boasting yet again to Sif and his friends though Sif was not buying into it she remained slightly entertained as Thor had grabbed one of the heavier swords and showed off before the other children.

"See, do as your brother does, watch his stance and the way he grips the hilt. Firmly with both hands." Hogun's words burned Thor as he felt Loki's patience run out. Loki then dropped his ax and turned to walk away from the training grounds.

"Oh, go on then. You're slowing everyone else down." Came the voice of the other boy and how badly Thor wished he could do something about it but all he could focus on was the anger boiling within Loki. Anger that boiled towards him for not being as strong or as competent in the training grounds as Thor was. Thor felt a pang of guilt rise as he remembered how the rest of that particular day went and in no moment had he rushed off to his brother's side to comfort him.

Thor sighed heavily and closed his eyes. He had never realized how hard it had been for Loki in the training grounds much less did he know how aware he was to the taunts and jeering of the other children but above all those factors what ailed him the worst was how he never stood up for his little brother.

When Thor opened his eyes once more he saw he was in a different area and somehow knew it was a different day and time. He looked ahead and saw an older woman walking towards Loki, on her face was a sweet smile and a pleased look. She walked towards Loki with a thick book grasped tightly on her arms and Thor felt an overwhelming amount of joy within both him and Loki.

"There are very few copies of this particular book so be very careful with it." The woman said as she handed it to Loki and as he grabbed it he passed a hand over the cover and held it close to his chest.

"Thank you so much! I have been eager to get my hands on a book of such subject."

The book on his hands was a book on healing magic. Normally the women tended to such tasks but Thor somehow knew of Loki's intentions. He felt Loki tracing back to one afternoon where both of them tried to ride their father's horse and were thrown about but on their last attempt Thor had been thrown off and had injured his right arm when he fell to the ground. Thor felt himself smile as he came to realize why Loki had taken up to reading about healing magic.

"Cannot be too careful especially with Thor running around as if he were untouchable." Loki said as he flipped through some of the pages quickly while laughing. The older woman could not help but laugh as well and Thor suddenly remembered her and knew she was one of the head healers, more specifically the one who attended to his wounded arm after he fell off the horse.

Loki then rushed out of the healing room with the book in hand driven to enjoy an entire day of reading and gathering notes to then practice the following day. Thor felt Loki's utter and unashamed glee as he raced through the halls and he felt happiness himself to see his brother so determined and felt some shame to seeing how determined his brother was to learn a new and difficult trait. Thor knew nothing of magic but even _he_ knew healing magic was difficult to overcome. The fact that Loki took up such a task because of him to benefit him in future incidents made him feel a blushing sensation.

The feeling was not to last. As Loki raced through the halls and turned around one of the corners he accidently crashed into another boy. Both boys fell to the ground with a steady thud and Thor felt the pain as well. Not only was he able to listen to Loki's inner thoughts and felt his emotions but also felt the physical pain.

"Watch where you are going—oh, it's _you_." The other boy said as he staggered to his feet and wiped the dirt and dust off of himself. Loki did the same but at a quicker pace and as he reached down to grab the book the other boy snatched it and flipped through the pages and began to laugh. "Healing magic? Really? Is that not a woman's job?"

"It never hurts to learn other traits no matter who it pertains to!" Loki snapped back and furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to snatch the book back but the other boy held it back. "I demand you hand me that book!"

"Why? Do yourself a favor and head down to the training grounds and learn something worthwhile or at least something that will not demand you wear a dress!"

The boy's taunts were causing a boiling anger to rise in Thor and his anger was doubled by Loki's own. He had no memory of this event as he was most likely down in the training grounds needlessly showing off.

"Give me the book!" Loki demanded once again but was only answered with more taunts but the worst was yet to come.

"You can have it back. I'd rather go and see your idiot brother make—"

The boy was cut off in mid sentence as Loki shoved the boy back in a fit of anger. Thor was surprised, he would have figured the taunts towards Loki would have been enough to get him to react violently but it was only when the boy mocked Thor that Loki's anger toppled and he reacted without a thought.

"Never mock my brother!"

The other boy lunged at Loki and before Thor knew it the boy had brought Loki down to the ground and was being bombarded with blow after blow and Thor felt every single blow land on Loki. This went on for about ten minutes and after the boy tired himself out he grabbed the book and ran off with it daring Loki to try and find it before he destroyed it.

Thor felt his eyes water and realized Loki's eyes watered as well. It was true that Thor felt terrible remorse for not having been there to protect his younger brother and felt an awful guilt as well. If Thor would have thought his actions out better he never would have been injured riding the horse and it would not have encouraged Loki to turn to healing magic and in turn maybe this unpleasant encounter would have been averted. But Thor pushed those thoughts aside for he knew that Loki would eventually come to learn it whether it had been that one afternoon or years later. He focused on the physical and emotional pain that forced tears from his eyes. He watched and felt as Loki stood up and began to slowly walk in the direction the other boy had taken and with that pain came a thoughtful wish to find the book untouched for it had been lent to him under the condition that he would take good care of it as it was a rare book.

Despite his injuries Loki searched for hours, all over the palace grounds, the training grounds, the town, the fountain in the middle of the town, asked several people and finally the stables. Finally setting his eyes on the stables he noticed several prints on the floor belonging to small feet and not just belonging to one child but several. He traced the frenzy of prints over to the pile of manure behind the stables and found the book buried within the leavings with only a corner sticking up. Loki was devastated and Thor felt it as well. Thor let out an involuntary whimper as Loki's thoughts bombarded him. Worry over how long the book had been there or if it was even possible to save it. Worried that he had broken his promise to keep the book safe, worry that the healers may not find another copy of it but the biggest worry was having to face his father over destroying a book that did not belong to him. Worry that his father would feel even more shame towards him since he knew he was adamant that magic was not a trait fit for the sons of Odin but even worse would be healing magic which was mostly taught to the women of Asgard.

Thor's heart had already ached from what he had seen, heard and felt up to that point but the pain worsened when he saw his brother digging the book from the pile of leavings and as he began to wretch from the smell which Thor also smelled he shut his eyes tightly hoping to move on to another memory. After a few minutes of hearing Loki heave it all went silent.

When Thor opened his eyes again he was bombarded with a sense of pride and joy. It was a relieve to feel that as he knew it was what Loki was feeling. As he turned his gaze ahead he saw Loki was running towards the throne room where their father spent most of his time. As Loki reached the throne room he found Odin sitting on the throne his entrance had been less than subtle and when Odin looked towards Loki he raised a hand towards him indicating to wait. Odin then returned his attention to the group of elves before him and after the meeting the elves left looking not too pleased but it was none of Loki's concern.

"Loki, you wanted to see me?" Odin asked as he sat back down on his throne while a maid brought him a goblet.

"Oh!" Loki said as he remembered why he had feverishly raced to the throne room and continued as he approached Odin, "Father, I've finally done it! I've managed to conjure up an illusion successfully!"

Thor remembered this, Loki had been around fifteen years old when he managed to grasp how to conjure illusions. He had been working hard at it for months and on several occasions denied himself sleep and rest just so he could master it. Thor heard Odin burst with laughter as he reached out to his youngest son and hugged him while saying, "I told you you would be able to do so! Just needed the practice for it."

"Ah, but Father I have an even better story to share with you!" Both Odin and Loki looked to their side as Thor marched into the throne room wreaking of sweat and looking as filthy as a pig in a pen. "A story of conquest, a triumph, a victory!" Teenaged Thor continued to ramble on with an air of arrogance that would rival any in the realm and Thor could not help but groan in disbelief.

"I have finally defeated Hogun the Grim in battle! Even as we speak he lays on the dirt of the training grounds." Thor said as he crossed his arms across his chest and Odin leapt at the news and cheered loudly for Thor. It was true that Hogun had turned out to be a very tough teacher and beating him was near impossible. All of the students wound up with shattered spirits and sore muscles after a session with Hogun and Loki was genuinely happy for Thor and proud of him as well but as he looked to his father he had seen him leap with tremendous glee and excitement. Loki watched as Odin grasped Thor in a massive hug and saw as they both walked away exchanging stories of the training grounds and Loki felt forgotten and dismissed.

Loki sighed deeply and slowly walked away, back to his chambers to work harder and if he worked harder he might be able to make his father as proud as he was when Thor defeated Hogun. He was tired and very sleepy, he had not slept for two days since he last crashed and had barely eaten but it had to wait for he wished he could make his father as proud as Thor made him. Thor on the other hand felt terrible for having stolen the limelight from Loki. All of the hard work he put in, not that Thor had not done so either but unlike Loki he had slept, eaten and was well rested. Battle and war came too easily for him and magic had come easily to Loki as well but there was a different level of difficulty for mastering magic and the pounding headache Loki had which Thor felt as well was the evidence of it. Thor could not take much more heartache, he was beginning to understand some of the things Loki had said to him and as he remembered his encounter with Loki in Midgard he recalled telling Loki how all of his accusations were merely imagined slights and anger burned within Thor once more. As he groaned he shut his eyes and pleaded not to see anything else as he knew he was not going to be able to take much more. But he was only in the middle of this session.

"Will you for once listen to me?! That beast will not be harmed by mere arrows!"

The yelling and a rumbling roar forced Thor to open his eyes and came face to face with a dragon flying above himself, an older looking Thor well before he came to possess Mjolnir, the Warriors Three and Sif. Thor quickly remembered this scenario and could only guess where this memory was headed.

Fandral and Hogun kept shooting arrows at the fierce dragon but it looked like the beast was barely registering the arrows. The creature pulled its head back and inhaled but before it could spit fire on them Loki jumped into the middle of the group and managed to pull up a magical shield saving their lives. As the dragon swooped higher Loki saw that the rest continued to rely on the arrows even after he had warned them that the arrows were not wounding the animal.

Loki concentrated as much as he could to force the creature down to the grass where they could attack the animal and finally slay it. A green aura materialized around the dragon and it began to wildly descend losing control of its wings. Once Loki felt that the creature was crash landing he broke the spell and reached for his sword. The dragon crash landed on a small hill beside them and as the creature hit the ground Thor, Hogun, Fandral, Volstagg and Sif ran towards the dragon and finally killed the beast that had been terrorizing the people.

Thor, Sif and the Warriors Three celebrated as the dragon's head rolled off of its body and the rest lay dead on the grass. Thor then rushed towards Loki and embraced him in a crushing hug which left Loki breathless but happy nonetheless. "Well done, brother!"

Thor felt the happiness that emerged in Loki as he was being praised by his older brother and could not help but smile. Unlike the rest of them Loki was not exactly a sword swinging battle hungry warrior and to take on a beast of that ferocity and magnitude said much about him but sadly not all were content at having been bested by a sorcerer. Hogun, Volstagg and Sif walked past Loki without so much as a grumbled thank you and Loki felt angry. He had not wanted to be there in the first place but he merely did so to accompany Thor because he asked and to admittedly make sure he returned home safely.

"It seems you were right, Loki. Thank you." Fandral said as he placed a hand on Loki's shoulder and some of the bitterness that had engulfed him on the inside diminished by a small percentage.

Sif looked back and glared at the trio and said in a low tone but loud enough to be heard, "Trickery has no place on the battlefield."

With that the bitterness within Loki grew and Thor admitted he felt it but genuinely felt it himself. How could Sif dare say such a comment even after Loki put an end to the ordeal before anyone of them could have been injured? The younger Thor just shook his head dismissively but smiled. Thor remembered he had chucked it up to Sif and the others, safe for Fandral, feeling incompetent. After all the Asgardians were a proud people who valued the sword above anything else and for a warrior to have been assisted and bested by a sorcerer was almost unthinkable. Thor wished he could have reacted differently. Loki had saved the day and all they did was dismiss him as if all he did was stand there. The rejection, the bitterness, the sadness and the anger twirled within Loki and fused together to create an array of emotions Thor thought was never possible to feel but he could not blame Loki for feeling that particular way. As he watched his friends walk away his vision blackened as he heard Loki's thought, _"I should have let the creature burn you all!"_ And once more he was enveloped in darkness.

When Thor's vision returned he found himself staring at a frozen wasteland and felt panic rising within him. Beside the panic there was also a burning bitterness far stronger than the one he felt in the previous memory. It felt ugly and damning but also loneliness and as much as Thor searched he could not find a single trace of happiness, he found some sort of mutation from what he could only guess was once contentment but it did not feel like it was enough. This devastated Thor, years, centuries, millennia of feeling bitter and feeling as if he was worth less than left Loki with a bitterness and loneliness that chocked Thor and a parade of other memories, Loki's memories, were placed inside Thor's head and as he relived and felt them in quick flashes he was brought to tears.

In previous memories whenever Loki looked to Thor he felt some happiness but now that he was looking at himself through Loki's eyes he felt nothing but bitterness for his older brother. Thor felt that Loki's love for him was still whole and present but he felt he did not like him. It was hard to describe. Loki loved Thor but he did not like him.

"Don't let them touch you!" Volstagg's warning disrupted Thor's train of thought and saw as Frost Giants fell upon them and for some odd reason Loki thought back to all those stories they were told as children and fear crept up on Loki as he fought them off as best as he could. Thor watched on as they tried to defeat the giants and as he watched how Loki dismissed them he felt as the air had been kicked out of him and a panic so overwhelming that it caused Thor to tremble engulfed him. When Thor placed his gaze forward he saw as a Frost Giant grabbed Loki by the arm and he watched as terror swallowed him and Loki. Loki's skin had turned blue as the giant before him touched him.

"_No, no, no, no, this cannot be! What is happening_?!" The pleading words were loud enough to deafen Thor and he felt as Loki trembled as he saw his skin had turned the same hue as the giant's, even some of the markings were present on his very arm. As panic wracked him he stabbed the giant and as soon as the giant let go of Loki's arm the blue hue and the marks vanished but the panic was still present and it overwhelmed Thor to the point where a sharp pressure in his head caused him to black out.

"_What am I…?"_

Thor slowly opened his eyes and heard two voices arguing. One seemed calm but the second voice was louder and laced with a panic so poisonous it created more pressure within Thor's head. This time he could not see anything, he knew his own eyes were open and that he was still within this…dream he had been living in for a while now. Thor could still feel connected to Loki, the army of emotions rising within him was evidence of it but he could not see anything only feel and hear. He heard as Loki screamed and heard Odin trying to calm him down but everything Odin was saying was causing more panic and more anger and soon Thor was completely enveloped in the emotions Loki felt and soon found himself repeating word for word Loki's speech.

As Thor screamed the words loudly he felt a crashing devastation he had never felt before in his life, hot tears ran down his face as every damaging emotion, every memory of Loki's life, every failure, every attempt, every time Loki's heart broke expulsed the air out of Thor's chest yet he could not stop himself from screaming the words Loki said to Odin.

"It all makes sense now, why you favored Thor!" As Thor screamed that sentence he felt his own heart break and felt himself drop to his knees and as he hit the ground his sobs became uncontrollable. As Thor gasped for air he placed both hands over his face and kept sobbing as Loki's yelling faded away and Thor was left in the dark alone with his tears and broken heart.

Suddenly a piercing scream startled Thor and when he looked behind him he saw Loki on his knees with his arms wrapped around his stomach. Thor then realized that it was Loki who was screaming and the screaming was terrible. It was then that Thor realized that the Loki he was currently facing was the embodiment of what Loki truly felt and truly wished to do. Yes, he was also frustrated and angry about having been lied to his entire life but the mixture of emotions he had felt at that particular moment manifested themselves in his mind and physically. Outwardly he raged at his father but inside he dropped to his knees as his heart broke as every fear of being a failure and different and not good enough made itself present before him and in his mind he screamed.

Thor covered his face once more as the screaming intensified but soon lunged towards his brother and hugged him but the screaming never ceased or even lowered. Thor then buried his face on Loki's right shoulder and shut his eyes and he hugged his brother tighter in some attempt to calm him.

After what felt like an hour Thor inhaled and lifted his face and slowly opened his eyes afraid to see anything else but somehow he knew it was not over yet. When his vision focused he saw himself hanging onto his father's golden spear, Odin desperately hanging on to Thor's legs and knew it was Loki how hung on to the other end of the spear and Thor's heart sank as he remembered this moment. He classified this moment as the most horrible moment of his life.

"No, Loki." Odin's voice swam through Loki's ears as poison and Loki felt himself sink. He felt betrayed, felt as if everything he could have done to prove himself to his father failed, to prove he was not a monster, prove he was worthy of being loved and to prove he was not a weakling. Most of all he wanted to prove to all that they had been wrong about him his entire life. But as Odin's words sank into him he suddenly felt empty.

"_I have nothing…left to lose…"_

As that last thought echoed in Thor's head Thor screamed as he felt himself drop and watched as Odin and Thor faded to black.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Thor suddenly sat up as he yelled and saw he was in the healing rooms of Asgard. He looked around and several healers were surrounding him and examining him and panic rose within him as he tried to decipher whether the scenery before him was real or a dream or a nightmare.

"Thor, how do you feel?" Frigga's soft voice gave Thor a warm sensation. As he turned to face his mother he blinked several times and stammered in disbelief.

"Wh—wha—what did you call me?"

"Thor. Are you positive that you are well?"

"Yes, Mother, I am." Thor said as he looked down at his arms and hands and studied them to make sure he was himself and heard as Frigga gave him details of what had happened.

"You have been asleep for two days. You muttered in your sleep, you thrashed, you wept, you screamed—I was so worried about you. When I heard that you had been attacked by Loki—"

"Loki?!" Thor asked suddenly realizing that it had not been an attack but had been put under a spell to, as Loki promised; understand why Loki had become what he currently was. Thor gasped and placed an open palm over his mouth and felt his face wet. When he wiped his face he realized he still had tears on his face and frantically wiped them off as he remembered all of Loki's memories.

"Thor, please, you must calm yourself. The healers must look over you to see that you have not been harmed." Frigga pleaded as Thor swung his legs off the bed and looked for his boots. He was still dressed but as he placed his boots on he turned to his mother as new tears slid down his face.

"I _must_ speak to Loki."

"Thor, he…his sentencing is today…he is in the throne room…" As Frigga informed Thor she also began to weep at the thought of her youngest son facing a council and his father's judgment for the crimes he had committed.

With that Thor raced out of the healing rooms and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. His mother's pleads on his back and the wind blasting at his face and drying his tears. His hair tangling as the mess was struck by wind as he ran towards his brother. His little brother.

As Thor reached the towering golden doors he slammed his body against them and as the doors crashed against the walls they made a terrible echo and every single person within the throne room gasped at the thundering sound. Dozens of men and women stood up to the older prince running towards the middle of the throne room where the prisoner stood. Several guards made a leaning gesture to retrieve Thor but Odin merely gestured for them to stand down and so they did.

Blue eyes met glaring and angry green eyes. The fury within his brother's eyes an all too familiar feeling which once frightened him and confused him now he shared. Thor lowered his eyes and saw the damned muzzle over Loki's mouth and thick chains tying his hands together and he felt the bile make his way up to his esophagus. Thor took several steps closer as every person within the room fell into a deathly silence and watched.

Thor took the chain holding his brother's hands and ripped it off yet Loki continued to glare at Thor even as Thor grabbed the muzzle and ripped it in half and tossed the contraption aside.

Thor looked for the right words to finally break that barrier that had been created around Loki. A barrier that took millennia of alienation, taunting and abuse to be created, a barrier he came to take responsibility for, a barrier created by Asgard, a barrier created in the hopes of staving off any more pain and suffering to spare a breaking and dying heart. And suddenly the right words dawned on Thor, simple words and ones Loki had spoken himself yet he knew they would not deflect against the barrier but pass right through and perhaps repair the damage.

He took one more step towards Loki and slowly opened his mouth as fresh tears fled his eyes yet Loki remained still as he continued to glare, "And know I have, my brother."

Loki gasped loudly as his eyes widened in terror and in hope. His lower jaw began to quake and he began to take deep breaths as he tried to hold back tears but as he did his legs gave out from under him and as he collapsed Thor quickly swung his arms under Loki's and caught him yet both fell to the ground and on their knees.

Thor could no longer hold back and tightly held Loki in a hug and sobbed as his cheek touched Loki's. Loki could not hold back either at the realization that the spell worked and with that one spell he was able to communicate to Thor what he was never able to with words. Loki broke down and wrapped both arms tightly around Thor and also began to sob as an immense pressure was finally lifted off of him.

The two brothers remained in each other's arms and wept and continued to weep while the council, friends, their father and the guards watched as the strange event unfolded before them unable to speak a word or move. Eventually exhaust overcame Loki and as he laid his head on Thor's massive shoulder Thor tightened his hug and loudly said, "They were not imagined…they were lived."


End file.
